he wants to bone in the snuggie
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
