Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
