if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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