oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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