She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
