If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
