Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
