He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
