If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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