I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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