Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
