I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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