I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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