there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
