Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
