dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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