Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
