Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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