For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
