Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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