YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize