I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
