woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
