I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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