All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
