I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
