Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
