True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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