After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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