Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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