Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
