the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
