the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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