its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
