Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think your dad took our porno
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize