one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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