i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
