So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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