you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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