I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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