I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My dick has a subreddit
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
