I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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