he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
