i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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