Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
