oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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