Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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