You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
