i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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