she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize