no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
