I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am mentally ready for anal.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
