Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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