K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
