He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
