dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
