Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
