i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
