Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
