just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
