Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
