I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
