I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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