i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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