I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
