Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
