Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
