i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
