i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
