Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
