Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
