the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
