Be still, my beating vagina.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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