You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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