She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
